My life is pretty blessed. I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I’m warm, able to eat food in my kitchen. I live in a nice place. I’m blessed to have a woman and two cats whom I love to come home to.
I’m relatively healthy and am able to pursue my dreams and creative passions. I am moving forward.
I’m not sick or dying, nor have I suffered such a tragedy that my life and form will forever be changed. I’m not forced to re-learn how to move my limbs and I can look people in the eye and not shrink away no matter how they stare.
But I am afraid sometimes. The fights I’ve had recently and in my past have taken a toll on my mind and my energies. The troubled thoughts seep in no matter how I try to plug the cracks. The demons. Doubt. Anger. Fear. Guilt. Hate. They’re all there. On the threshold of my patience, waiting for it to fade. Give way but a little, collapse only an inch and they swarm. So many tears that my vision is blurred as the bad thoughts pile atop one another and they never stop. Never stop. My demons. My mistakes and misdeeds revolve like a horrible carousel of pain and torture and suffering. And the mad music never ends. Never. Ever. Stops.
Which is the key, you see. Let go. Stop. Let it end. Walk away. Greet what arrives. Escort what leaves. Don’t waste energy. It is what it is. Practice kindness whenever possible and it is always possible. Peace. Gratitude. Love. That’s what defeats demons. Love. Peace is part of that. Gratitude comes from Love. Intuition is as well.
Intuition led me to pick the best Christmas movie ever (my opinion) when I only was eight years old. On vacation in North Carolina, I saw Die Hard for the first time. Saw it ten times because I stayed up all night, watching and rewinding. VHS, what a trip. Like life. You can only start over so many times and you can only do that by stopping. Breathe. Rewind. Here we go
This post has been edited.